Thoughts About What I Could Do

Who knew swapping one simple word for another could, over time, make such a difference?

(Raises hand) I didn't, but do now.

When I hired my first coach over 10 years ago, she pointed out my consistent use of the word should. 

Hearing my words repeated back to me felt like watching myself in a home video. It's undeniably familiar — yup, that's me dancing to YMCA at a friend's wedding — but it's also a little cringe.

I spoke often of the things I somehow knew I should be doing, where my career should be heading, what my life should have looked like. Hearing the words from another person's mouth, it sounded a lot like someone waiting for things to happen, not someone charting her own course. I spoke of all the things I believed should be happening, but weren't.

Does any of this sound familiar?

It may come as no surprise that my shoulds were inspired by the lives of everyone around me, like I was swimming in a school of identical fish, one designation within a vast ocean somehow deemed suitable for all. I was living by standards I hadn't set, but at some point had quietly granted permission to have them set for me.

Fast forward 13 years, it's a coaching moment that still resurfaces. What happens when I choose my words more carefully, when I swap should for a could?

The difference, as I see it, is this.

Should suggests the answer is right in front of me, discussion over.

If I don't do what I should do, then I'm doing it wrong.

Should feels laced with guilt about whatever it is I am not doing, like some kind of confession.

And if you listen for it, you'll start to hear it, should is usually followed with a “but" or a “however”, “except”…

Now let's talk about could.

Could means I have options.

Could means the decision has not yet been made, and that decision rests with me.

Could lies somewhere in the realm of possibility. Okay, maybe it's not always likely, but it could happen.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I had an overnight epiphany and then suddenly birds were landing on my shoulder as I picked fresh fruit from a tree while mapping the next steps in my new and wonderful life.

But it did make a difference. A small difference, at first, in how I framed decisions and considered options. It made a big difference over time, as incremental decisions led to big life changes. Changes I'm grateful for every day. 

And now here I am sharing it with you on the chance you might be interested in exploring similar small changes to get you where you want to be. Not because you should, but because you can.

It's just something to think about. Could you?  

The Last Minute

Here's a thought, tell me if you agree: It's a paradoxical truth that the greatest amount of work gets completed in the shortest amount of time. Whether it's the eleventh hour, the last minute, or just in the nick of, a limited window generates higher productivity because there is no time to waste. Am I right?

I have no sources to cite here, only years of personal experience. There's something about that last minute that kicks my efficiency into gear.

Time, at first, presents itself like a friend to me, luring me into a state of confidence that borders on smug—I'll get it all done, I might even be ahead of schedule. Then more time passes and I awake in the night from a dream where my teeth are falling out as I sit to take a final exam for which I have not even cracked the book.

And therein lies the problem with the last minute. It may be productive, but it's also stressful.

But what if time (too much or too little) isn't really the problem, and it's really a question of structure?

When thinking about your goals or personal objectives, how are you structuring your time?

Thinking about a typical day, what are you doing each day that is in service to your long-term goals?  

What are the short-term demands that might be delaying your plans for the future? 

If you could construct the ideal day, and turn that into your typical day, what would it look like?

Time is not within on our control, but how we structure it can be. As your coach, I want to help you manage the areas of your life that are actually within reach, not stressing out about the earth's rotation around the sun.

I can help you look at your day (or week, month or year ahead), and work with you to break it down to its parts in order to build it back into something that serves your long term goals. Does that sound like something you'd like to try?

Reach out if you are interested, I would love to hear from you. Maybe even do it today, like it's the eleventh hour and there is no time to waste.